Winning Over the Worst Critic

Where is the crystal ball?   

We want to know, own, and define our futures with ease.   We spend our days dreaming of better days, better weeks, and a better life!

Yet, we are mere humans, not gods, prophets, or angels who possess the power to predict our futures.  Our visions, dreams, and ambitions aren’t wrong at all, it’s the core of our souls that God has given to us.  Each of us on earth has been designed for a unique purpose, but for only one destiny.

Yet, we are consistently lost while navigating this world and our own kingdoms.  We fall off our customized designed paths longing for something else, instead of looking for the one and only God.

The further we drift from our all-knowing Creator, the further we drift from whom we were created to be. 

Chasing Validation

We were designated by design, for a unique purpose.  We all have a natural gift that doesn’t necessarily require certifications or degrees to implement that purpose.  Yes, we can and should grow our gifts and jump into a profession to further amplify the impact on this world.  But, when we go off the path chasing these purposes or the wrong purposes without God, we lose ourselves and we lose our joy.

It’s easy to find temporary fixes to soothe our longings through our work, leisure, substances, accolades, and accumulation.  In addition, we all struggle at some level of validation.  It’s awesome to know that we have a meaning and purpose in this world, this is validating.  Validation from colleagues, our spouses, our friends, and because of social media, strangers to provide the “likes” we crave! 

On the other hand, validation is foundational in institutions across the world.  It’s in titles, promotions, salaries, benefits…etc.  Right, wrong, or indifferent, the pursuit of these types of our validations becomes the accumulation of credentials that make up our resumes and LinkedIn profiles.  But at what point does this become an idol (anything that removes God)?

Experience matters, but the only validation that is necessary for our livelihoods is to come from God.

Chasing God

No matter what we accumulate or achieve, ultimate and lasting success comes in pleasing God. 2 Corinthians 5:9-10 says,  “So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him.  For we must all stand before Christ to be judged.  We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body.”

God provides all sorts of guidance to living the good life but it boils down to pleasing Him.  This foundational rule of life is the macro to our daily micro decisions.

• Are we loving God if we live for ourselves and not for others?
• Are we trusting God if we are constantly fearful about the future of the country? 
• Are we believing in God’s divine power if we are complaining about our current circumstances? 
• Whose voice are we listening to?  Is it the world?  Is it our own inner critics?  Or are we listening to God himself through the divine power of the Holy Spirit? 

We all have to consider these questions personally and decide how to navigate this life in our earthly bodies. 

Our work and our lives are to please God.

Chasing Authenticity

In my pursuit to live faithfully daily, I have found my own struggles in four distinct categories which is the foundation of our 4-C blueprint coaching program.

• Cheer
• Clarity
• Capacity
• Choice

As these themes of cheer, clarity, capacity, and choice have been revealed through prayer and reflection, I look at other people’s worlds and recognize these same hazards.  So many of us struggle with a zeal for life (cheer), our identities (clarity), doing too much (capacity), and confidence to pursue what is right (choice).  When living out of alignment with these 4 C’s, creates a mold of false identity, a mask that’s not ours, and a path not really meant for our true destiny.

The mortal enemies of the 4 C’s are: 

• Depression
• Fear
• Confusion
• Shame

This terrible foursome can create an inner critic so loud that we choose to live in a secret identity as a status quo.  We become our own worst critics just by the way we think.  These narratives often start at a young age and tend to point to an experience or traumatic event.  We stop listening and trusting God’s promises and His design of our lives.

As we grow older, we get wiser and realize that there is much more to the context of our lives that is beyond climbing the ladder of work and accumulating.  This intersection of values often happens in mid-life and we can start to unpack some of these false scripts that have been holding us back from our true purpose.

With the appropriate unpacking, reflection, and seeking God, this intersection of values is where career changes happen, new businesses are launched, marriages and families are strengthened, and non-profits are founded. 

But most importantly, lives transform. A new you, the real you is found in the ONE who knew you first!

Chasing Away the Critics

Some of us make it through this mid-life intersection with the 4-C’s in our tool belt.  I reach for them daily as it’s my formula to live for God.  But there are others still standing at the crossroads asking God for direction!

If you find yourself identifying with negative inner voices, masking with a false identity, or on a work-life path that seems meaningless, take some time with these 5 steps:

1. PRAY!  Prayer changes things and we can get even closer to God sooner when we quiet the devices stealing our silence.  Find intimacy with God and you will find freedom in an authentic life. Start here with tools on how to win the battle against technology.
2. Read the Word of God.  Below are a few scriptures to encourage you and to utilize in your prayers and journaling.  The Bible is the Living Word of God that inspires and I encourage you to read it daily.
3. Evaluate and sift your friendships.  Keep the right cheerleaders in your inner circle and distance yourself from those that trigger you or don’t believe your value to this world.
4. Have grace.  Be easy on yourself and create habits of affirmation and gratefulness.  Daily journaling is a great tool to unwire the brain of messy thinking and gain clarity on God’s will for your life.
5. Don’t walk alone! Find a partner who encourages and advocates for your success no matter the circumstances.  This may be a best friend, a life coach, a parent, or a wise mentor.