Embracing the Good Mid-Life

Life can be defined by 4 seasons.

Spring represents birth to adulthood. 

Summer represents career and family growth. 

Autumn represents the harvest of the successes of work and life.

Winter represents the golden years. 

All these seasons are amazing but our values, outlooks, and perspectives shift throughout.  What we find important in the summer will have a different value by the time autumn hits.

Spring and Summer

Spring and summer are typically the seasons of growth, building our resumes, and sharpening our hard skills.  On average, our early lives are about building our physical homes, starting savings accounts, finding our life partners, and starting our families.  To put it in one phrase, it’s building equity…we are in constant growth mode.  We are gaining ownership of many things and achievements.  Those of us who hit the summer months early is blessed with a lot of physical capital.

The cross-over from summer to autumn typically represents mid-life.   Many proclaim that the mid-life crisis is imminent and we start to lose our essence of our identities regardless of how much we’ve accomplished or accumulated.

What causes the mid-life crisis and why is it gleamed to be negative? Is it the wrinkles, gray hair, or lack of drive?  Are we just empty?  This article can’t possibly break down every scenario, but I will try to generalize my observations as I have been living in the mid-life season for a few years now. I have taken on a new purpose in life to critically study others who have been there BUT excelled through this crossroads.

Early Signs of Autumn

When mid-life hits, we can see the autumn colors of our life a bit more vividly.  What used to be one shade is now many colors.  As we look at our younger kids, our elderly parents/grandparents, and the many other demands of life, we experience a shifting of the wind that no one is ever quite ready for.  We start to understand that all that we have done to grow and produce in this world has a greater purpose.  We see new life, but we also see death. We realize that the life clock is actually ticking and there is more to be accomplished by harvesting, not replanting.

If and when done right, we slow down a bit because we are wiser. We realize that there is value in showing others that life has more colors than green (MONEY).  In the autumn, we harvest all that has been produced, but how many of us are giving back resources, money, and lessons learned?  How many of us are seeing that our values are broadening?

I find that there are 3 traps at mid-life that we should try to avoid at all costs if we are to live a good second part of our lives.

Mid-Life Trap 1

We extend the summer instead of embracing autumn.  In this particular trap, we are prone to keep building our existing kingdoms, looking for more prestige, and earning more money at the expense of our health, family, and loved ones.  This trap lacks contentment with having enough.  The lifestyle of luxury becomes seductive and securing that lifestyle by all counts becomes the number one priority. Being blessed with a lot is not a problem at all…but when it becomes an idol and the north star of life, the chase ends up being a lonely one as we often hear about being at the top of the ladder.

Mid-Life Trap 2

We return to spring instead of embracing autumn.  This trap is the most popular and defines the “crisis” in Mid-Life Crises!  This is a true identity crisis as this plays out in returning to the “childish ways” of our youth, trying to be young again.  The sports cars, affairs, and anything that can boost the ego is the north star. When autumn tries to replicate spring, the world turns upside down.  We must put the shame of our past and present on the cross.  We can’t be young again!

Mid-Life Trap 3

We jump to winter instead of embracing autumn.  We see this play out through the pursuit of pure pleasure and fulfilling the long bucket list. This one I have a hard time selling as a trap because I fall into this as well.  I realize the clock is ticking and there is so much more that I want to see and experience in the world.  I am biased that experiencing the world and a more fulfilling life is good, but I know that this pursuit of awe and adventure must be balanced with a heart of service.  Instead of how much more can we experience, let’s ask, where else can we give more?

Act Your Stage!

With any of these traps, families erode from the inside out because the 3 traps are about selfish pursuits instead of investment in others.  We look to all other stages of life instead of the life of authentic purpose of where we are at.  We are not acting our age. We are not acting our stage!

Our world was designed in rhythm and to have a rhythm.  Every plant, animal, and organism starts with a seed, grows, flourishes, and declines….these are the 4 seasons of life that are harmoniously beautiful.  There is a purpose in each season that we must embrace.  The harmony comes when we are all doing life together as seasons embrace other seasons in intergenerational communities.  This type of community is rare in the age of the nuclear family.

Knowing what I know now staring back at my first 45 years, I am overjoyed by the opportunity to enjoy the turn of the season.  This turn has given me the luxury of life that is not in silver, gold, millions of dollars, mansions, or early retirement…it has provided WISDOM.  I’m thirsty for more.

Mid-Life Wisdom

Wisdom is the result of life experiences.  Wisdom is living, reflecting, and acting with good decisions based on past circumstances.  We’ve either been there or seen someone else that was “there”… we learn what to do and what not to do.  We apply it daily.

Wisdom does not guarantee that we avoid mistakes, calamities, or misfortunes.  Wisdom brings balance and centeredness when things go array.  The goal is that the wise person is the one that is being sought out when all hell breaks loose.

So if you’re reading this and believe that you lack wisdom, here is some biblical instruction on how to receive it:

James 1:5-6 (ESV)  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

The world (aka, the “wind” mentioned in James 1) will tell you a different approach to solving the mid-life crisis, but let’s erase all the markers in the world and start with a different set of ways to live through the mid-life wisely.

Redefine Purpose

Every person has a purpose and it is meant to help someone.  Yes, this is life-altering when realized.  It can take half of our lives to realize that there is a greater purpose that we were meant to fulfill.  Purpose is to give to something greater than ourselves.  Do you know your purpose and who you were created to help on this earth?  What have you gained in other seasons of your life that can now be used to give back now?  Take time to evaluate the relational treasures of the family, community, and friends.  What relationships need strengthening and more investment? 

Redefine Success

All the money and prestige in the world will NOT provide the happiness and comfort that your heart is looking for.  In the mid-life, let’s reset this marker called success and go much deeper.  If you understand that, then you are on a great road already!  Returning to the glory days of our youth is great to remember, but not to replicate.  Find contentment in the soul and know when enough is ACTUALLY enough.  Success is found by being in obedience to how God has instructed you to spend your time on earth.  Leave the outcome to Him.  We all have our individual and unique assignments.  What is yours and how do you define success?

Redefine Speed

Because we aren’t able to grind as long or hard as those that are younger, doesn’t mean we have lost our value.  At mid-life, we have learned efficiencies.  We have learned the art of prioritizing and when to clean our crowded plates.  We need to value the rest!  We have earned the gray hair on our heads, it’s our “crown of glory” (Proverbs 16:31).  This is a symbol of life like the changing colors of the leaves.  Embrace your thrown!

Redefine Age

What this article is not about is embracing the declining health that comes with old age. In fact, mid-life is the time to reset our health so the odds increase of living fully through autumn and winter.  We can’t continue to eat unhealthily and stop moving and expect to live a long life.  Sadly, only 6.2% of Americans are metabolically healthy!  To optimize our future age, we must embrace healthy regiments to our sleep, metabolic health, daily exercise, and stress.  As we embrace growing old, it doesn’t mean that we have to live our age, it means we can get more life out of our age. 

Embracing The Good Mid-Life

There may be a brief mourning season when our child beats us in a game of basketball or a younger colleague can pound out a project at half the speed.  It’s humbling, trust me!  However, we have wisdom on our side that our kids need and that our clients/colleagues deserve. Let’s spend more 1-1 time with those that need mentorship (children, clients, and colleagues) to make sure they are getting not only our minds but our hearts. 

The good life, no matter the age, is one filled with wisdom and living in fear and awe of God. 

I encourage anyone who may have read this and you now realize that you may be on a trajectory that needs some adjustment, don’t wait. 

You can redefine your markers at any point and joyfully move into a life of purpose and fulfillment.