This week, I am writing with a heavy heart and with much concern about the topic of suicide. I would also like to add the disclaimer that I am not an expert on this particular subject. The information in this article is based on conversations with friends, other experts in this space, and research.
Earlier this week, I was shocked to hear about the tragic death of a young lady I had the privilege to work with over the last few years. She had the brains, beauty, fame, prestige, and a growing list of achievements. She even had the personality that lit up any room. She treated everyone with love, kindness, and respect. She seemed to have known her life purpose as she was passionate about mentoring and served multiple missions to help better our society. By the world’s measure, you could say that she had it all and her future was extremely promising! Sadly, authorities are stating that she committed suicide. UGH!!!
This is bewildering and there are a lot of answered questions…not only for this young lady but for any suicide! I can speculate all day, but I will never know her experiences, her pain, her trauma, her fear, her heart, her darkest emotions, or if her death was due to undiagnosed (or diagnosed) chemical imbalances. As I try to put these questions of “why” behind me, I am left grappling with what can I do to help someone else not make this same choice?
Before I provide some helpful recommendations, l would like to provide background and current data on suicide.
- Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death between ages 10-34.
- There are approximately 2.5x as many suicides in the US as there are homicides each year.
- Alarmingly, this is a growing and complex public health issue as the suicide rates in America have increased by 17% over the last 20 years, all before the pandemic.
- According to the CDC and WHO, risk factors for suicide include life stresses such as finances, relationships, chronic pain, substance abuse, conflict, disaster, abuses, and discrimination. The strongest risk factor is a previous suicide attempt.
When someone takes their own life, it is a stark reminder that humans are very complex social and emotional individuals in a tech-driven world. It is so easy to put facades of happiness on our faces while we mask our anxiety, sadness, or depression. On any given day, we are all subject to situations that create emotions such as anger, loneliness, comparison, fear, rejection, stress, worry, confusion, depression, discouragement, low self-esteem, or grief. Regardless of the reaction or coping mechanisms to life’s circumstances, it has become increasingly easier to suppress and mask how we are truly feeling. Sadly, in my observation and experiences, I believe there is a decline in authentic love in how we share, care, and communicate.
Authentic love is being sincere to ourselves and others. Authentic love is owning up to who we truly are, what we truly think, and how we truly feel. Authentic love helps us to understand, love, and have better connections with our neighbors. Authentic love permits us to not always be perfect, but to be real. Authentic love allows for beauty, triumph, and meaning to shine through our scars, worries, tragedies, and traumas. Authentic love permits one to not judge others.
Authentic love is an example of agape love, which is the essence of who God is. Christians believe that God loves us so much that He sent His son Jesus to this world to die for our sins and resurrect that we may have the right to eternal life. This agape love and the truth of the resurrection are always trying to be undercut and twisted by Satan. Our insecurities and inadequacies can lead even the best of us into a cycle of shame and pain where we forget that we have a loving God, who has unconditionally accepted us for WHO WE ARE.
There are so many scriptural references that I would like to point out, but for the sake of time, I would like to only focus on Roman 8 written by the Apostle Paul. It’s a scripture that provides an in-depth meaning of agape love and what that means for our daily lives! Starting with the first verse, this scripture points out that there is no condemnation (i.e. judgment) for those that belong to Him! Below are two excerpts, but I highly recommend reading the full chapter to grasp the context. Click here to read the chapter in its entirety.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body, God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.
Romans 8:1-6 NLT
If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.
Romans 8:31-33 NLT
How wonderful is that last line knowing that NOTHING can separate us from being loved and valued by God. This underserving and unconditional grace of the resurrection is Agape Love. With that, as Christians, we are commanded to also love God and to love our neighbor. If I don’t have a love for myself or God, how can I adequately love and serve my neighbor? Maybe serving my neighbor starts with authentic love, or better yet, agape love? I would like to emphasize that no matter where you put your beliefs, we all suffer from some level of shame or insecurities, so my challenge is for everyone. With that being said, here are a few practical actions that can help us in this walk of love.
Put our phones down more often.
Checking our phone 344 times a day is unnecessary. It takes away from the people and moments that are right in front of you. Be present, silence the alerts, and even turn off the phone when engaging with people. Parents, this includes your children.
Clear the calendar more often to help someone who may need your help.
Practice and then encourage work-life balance. Slow down the pace of your daily activities and to-dos. This shift is amazing for bringing visibility to those that may need your help.
Ask someone how they are REALLY doing?
Don’t stop there, actually listen instead of thinking about the next thing you want to say.
Don’t accept “busy” as an answer!
Being busy is an overused response and it’s a gloss over of how someone is truly feeling. If you hear this answer, ask again and dig deeper.
Know the warning signs of someone that may be struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Here are links to two articles that provide detailed overviews of risk factors and suicide prevention mechanisms:
- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-suicide/
- https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention
Practice authenticity.
No one is perfect. Be an attentive listener. Let someone know that you can relate instead of showing judgment. Give unconditional grace and allow room for imperfections, scars, and mistakes in all situations…work, home, and life!
I realize that I am touching on a very complex and sensitive issue in this article. I don’t have all the answers and my life purview is very limited, but I would encourage you to seek help if you are struggling with any aspect of your life. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Call a friend, or a therapist, or use the link/numbers below for immediate help.
SUICIDE PREVENTION or call 1-800-273-8255
Show love, hug someone, call someone that crosses your mind, listen, and show grace. Make this a daily habit and it may save someone’s life!
